Sex is a biological right that all people should experience without bias 18+

 Sex is passion and should not be shamed due to religious ideologies

We all reach an age when we are ready to experience the pleasures of sexual intercourse, but most of us grew up in religious homes that encouraged or enforced virginity (if female) and celibacy (if male). These constraints due to patriarchal norms are less strict on males and give them the free pass to "act as they wish" without shame, unlike with females who would be shamed or even shunned by their families or communities. I cannot even mention the traumatic sexual experiences females go through that either makes them hypersexual or afraid of engaging in intimacy or intercourse. I am not disregarding that males experience sexual trauma but statistically females are more prone to experience the sexual assault and harassment, leading to trauma response behaviours and habits. Commonly many perpetrators are people the victims are familiar with like close family or supposed friends which may create the cycle to the traumatic events happening.

 These behaviours include for all victims: 

• Dissociation: This is a mental state in which a person feels detached from their thoughts, feelings, or surroundings. It can be a way of coping with the sexual trauma. Some people put on a facade to give the impression that they are well.
• Re-experiencing: This is a common symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can involve flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts about the traumatic event.
• Avoidance: This is another common symptom of PTSD. It involves avoiding anything that reminds the person of the traumatic event. This can include places, people, or activities. The victim may not engage in social activities of any kind.
• Self-blame: Many femme gendered people who have experienced sexual trauma blame themselves for what happened. This is a common coping mechanism, but it is important to remember that the victim is never to blame for sexual assault but society always find reasons to blame the victims instead of holding the perpetrators accountable.
• Anger: Anger is another common emotion that femme and butch gendered people experience after sexual trauma. It can be directed at the perpetrator, themselves, or other people. A lot of the time males get assaulted when they are younger and cannot physically or mentally protect themselves; it may result in them growing up to be aggressive.
• Depression: Depression is a common mental health condition that can be caused by a variety of factors, including sexual trauma. Symptoms of depression can include sadness, hopelessness, fatigue, and changes in appetite or sleep patterns. Some victims can end their lives if they do not receive proper support after their traumatic experience.
• Anxiety: Anxiety is another common mental health condition that can be caused by sexual trauma. Symptoms of anxiety can include worry, restlessness, difficulty concentrating, and physical symptoms such as racing heart or sweating.

• Hypersexuality or fear of having sexual intercourse and intimacy: Victims may start to engage in reckless sexual behaviours to distract themselves from the traumatic experience or never want to be intimate again until they have received proper support and therapy. 

Besides the reality of the sexual assault wound carried by many individuals - that would cause the fear of being sexually intimate, there are religious ideologies that encroach fear on people to not engage in sensual pleasure at their own discretion. These ideologies like 'being unclean', 'being loose' or 'used goods' ae the labels given to females who decide to engage in sexual intimacy. As I have mentioned prior, males do not receive such labels because of the standard "laws of the patriarchy". These ideologies are enforced by society (because majority of society is religious) result in many females carrying the scar of being shamed, hence a lot do it in secret but still experience the internalised shame, which leads them to not fully experience the sensual pleasure of it all. In my opinion these religious ideologies are very toxic and infringe on females' rights to experience sensual pleasure without participating in the institution of marriage that equates them to just baby making machines. 

Many females due to the "standard laws of patriarchy" do not even know what a sensual climax feels like, by reason of males are the dominant party to feel satisfied. All religious practicing societies in history have forced females to partake in intercourse for the sake of reproducing heirs and lots of children, while also being the only dominant parent to take care of them in that marriage, talk about weaponised incompetence and diminishing females' potential success. I think what was in the minds of these ancient patriarchal law makers was "women can be more successful than us, let's force them to take care of babies, do house chores only, and strip them of their independence". This may be the reason currently why independent females are dreaded in the dating world - topic for another day. Both females and males should be allowed to experience sexual pleasure, it's a biological right, these are the benefits of healthy sexual pleasure according to multiple research studies:

• Improved immune system: Sex can help to boost your immune system by increasing levels of antibodies and other immune cells. This is thought to be due to the release of hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin, which have anti-inflammatory and immune-boosting effects.
• Reduced stress levels: Sex can be a great way to relieve stress and tension. This is because it releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting and stress-relieving effects. Endorphins are often referred to as "natural painkillers" because they can also help to reduce pain.
• Improved sleep: Sex can help you to fall asleep more easily and sleep more soundly. This is because it can help to lower your heart rate and blood pressure, which can make it easier to relax and fall asleep.
• Lowered risk of heart disease: Sex can help to lower your risk of heart disease by reducing levels of LDL (bad) cholesterol and increasing levels of HDL (good) cholesterol. Sex can also help to improve your blood flow, which can help to protect your heart and other organs.
• Reduced risk of stroke: Sex can help to reduce your risk of stroke by improving your blood flow and reducing your blood pressure. Stroke is a leading cause of death and disability, so anything that can help to reduce your risk is important.
• Improved mood: Sex can help to improve your mood and reduce symptoms of depression. This is because it releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. Endorphins are often referred to as "natural painkillers" because they can also help to reduce pain.
• Increased self-esteem: Sex can help to increase your self-esteem and make you feel more confident. This is because it can help you to feel good about yourself and your body.
• Stronger relationships: Sex can help to strengthen your relationships with your partner. This is because it can help to increase intimacy, trust, and communication.

With the LGBTQIA+ community being recognised in the society, they should be given the platform to practice their sensual preferences without religious heteronormative ideologies being shoved into their lives. Can we all just practice our sexual preferences and curiosities in a safe environment with no shaming, just acceptance? In ancient pre-colonial Africa, yes our grand melanated ancestors did not know all these practices that are enforced by foreign white supremacist and arabic religions.

Our ancients were never conservatives. According to IPPF, after being subjected to slavery and colonisation, Africa has come to consider some elements of pleasure and romance as alien due to the influence of external values and misunderstandings of traditional African sexual practices. Prior to European interaction with the continent, human sexuality was highly esteemed and Africa had a structured and consistent way of educating young people on the topic without judgment or criticism through figures like the Ssenga, who were maternal figures in ancient Baganda society. In African spirituality, sexuality is not limited to intercourse. They believe that sexual interactions can have different intentions, such as pleasure, intimacy, or spiritual connection. Sexual energy can be expressed in many ways, including through fetishes, fantasies, fashion, attitude, behavior, roles, rituals, dances, and intimate relationships. In West African spirituality, the Oshun force sequence describes the journey of sexual energy from desire to arousal to copulation to pleasure to conception to birth to growth. This sequence is seen as a creative process that can lead to new life, both physical and spiritual. The Woodabe people of Niger, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Nigeria, and Chad had a unique sexual culture. In contrast to the traditional gender roles in most societies, Woodabe men believed that women were the sexual beings and that they had the power to choose their multiple partners. To attract women, Woodabe men wore elaborate makeup and peacock feathers, and they performed spectacular dances.

I am not familiar with the sexual practices of those times, but I wish to be. I want to practice our ancient ancestors spiritual beliefs, not religious beliefs, there is a difference. I wish to follow my sexual wishes which obviously will not harm myself or another being. I would like to experiment, explore my type of sexuality outside of heteronormative societal rules and laws embedded in my subconscious mind. I want to decolonise my enslaved mind, and wish you would too. that is how the nation will heal and progress in all areas of life. Colonisation did really strip us of everything...

As much as I am encouraging sexual pleasure and exploration, I do strongly advice the practicing of safe sex. If you as an individual are polyamorous, make sure all partners involved also practice safely are proactive in safety measures. STIs are a reality a lot of people succumb to. Please partake in sex education, I recognise that such platforms are lacking but I am willing to create one. I am also  encouraging females to self pleasure and explore with toys and devices. Get to know your body's pleasure centres - likes and dislikes; it will make having it with a partner easier and more comfortable, even increasing the chances of climax. Enough with the stigmas. We are all adults, no self shaming and judging. Do not allow others to shame and judge too, "whoever is without sin, let them cast the first stone". I realise our elders are the most judgemental. Remember that they are part of the Conservative Era and do not know true freedom of expression and we are part of the 'Woke Era' or more enlightened as the youth, and we are open to new experiences - we are not restrictive but are accepting of things outside societal norms. It is safe, you are safe, this is a safe space. Stay enlightened and radiate love of self first then others.

With Love, 

Lerato Lilly

References: Kano, S,N. 2023. Sexual pleasure in precolonial africa. [Online]. Available at: https://www.ippf.org/featured-perspective/sexual-pleasure-precolonial-africa